My dear Asha.
You must understand the night we shared was the most glorious night I have ever shared with a woman. In that one night you touched and caressed me more than any other women in a life time. To wake up lying next to you was overwhelming. I don’t know, my apparent loquaciousness fails me; it shunts me to silence, a landscape I am not familiar with.
Touch, such a basic human requirement for most, certainly me, I have never experienced it in that way until you. I longed for it not understanding what I longed for. You run your fingers through my hair, my beard, and your hands along my hip down my thigh. Your fingers in my mouth, my fingers in yours. I spooned you, you me, acts of physical intimacy exclusively shared between a couple. Now I am in a position to understand and it is unsettling. You cannot touch my body in that way and not touch my heart.
You look at me at times and I wonder what is going through your mind.
I love the way you move and I watch your body, pleasure unfolds. I will not analyze or question this pleasure; just enjoy it.
I feel your discomfort when I express how I feel about you, just being honest. You are a beautiful woman and I will never apologize for reminding you of that.
It is not all about the physical side of our relationship either, the emotional side is proving difficult to describe or understand. I do not want to fall into platitudes you are too smart and intuitive for that. I know the words you need to hear and in their correct context. If I utter those words for me it is as binding as if we expressed our vows in the eyes of loved ones.
It weighs nothing however it can crush you. It has the durability of granite but can be ephemeral. You cannot touch it yet it fills everything. I am also scared.
As I said to you that night, the day I go to my grave the last memory I will have will be of our first night. What a clear and precious gift you have given me.